


three's a crowd

by windsilk



Series: just don't close your heart [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, F/M, Multi, rest in peace in pieces, ya girl CANNOT BELIEVE she wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 19:57:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16960527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windsilk/pseuds/windsilk
Summary: Ino takes it upon herself to thoroughly vet and assess the viability of her matchmaking between Sasuke and Sakura.





	three's a crowd

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zinthos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinthos/gifts).



Ino knew she hadn’t gotten that tarot card deck at fourteen for nothing. She was genius—an oracle, even. Here, laid out, was the imminent future:

Her best friend, pink haired and unsure, and that handsome hunk of man across the lecture hall. “I can divine the future,” she announced to Sakura as she tugged her along to the convenient two seats (fate!) just beside the Boy.

Sakura made noises of absentminded agreement, staring at the projection on the screen. “Shit. We have a quiz? It’s syllabus day. How could we have a quiz?!”

“Sakura, listen to me. I’m a seer.”

Sakura stumbled into the side of the chair, still in a daze about the imminent end of her academic career. The pain from the plastic arm of the chair jabbing into her thigh barely registered. “I’m going to die,” she moaned, dropping her backpack and flopping into the seat. She pulled her hair up into a quick ponytail, securing it in a few deft moves into its black elastic band. The ends of her mane whispered against the side of her neck.

“No, you’re not. As I was saying, I’m a  _seer_ —“

“Ino, shut up.”

“—and I do not see that to be part of your near future. Unless, of course, you are referring to a different kind of death. Perhaps… _un petit mort_?”

“I’m no French expert, but I feel like you’re misunderstanding the current crisis,” she gestured wildly at the bold words ‘ _PRELIMINARY ASSESSMENT_ ’ at the head of the room, “at this time.”

“You’re hopeless.” Ino reached across Sakura’s midsection, bracing her left hand on Sakura’s thigh. “Hi, I’m Ino. This is Sakura. And you are?”

Sakura blinked, looking to her right at the occupant of the seat who was tapping his pen against a nearly blank notebook. The top page had been dated in crisp penmanship.

He cocked a head in Ino’s direction, gaze flitting between the two of them. Finally, he reached to shake the extended hand. “Sasuke.”

“Nice to meet you,” Ino chirped. “Sakura was prattling on earlier today about the rigorous workload of this class. I was wondering if you wanted to make a study group with us? We could be complete squad goals.”

Sasuke’s gaze shifted to Sakura. “Yeah, I heard he’s not as good as the other professor.”

Sakura nodded, averting her gaze to watch the rest of the class trickle in. It was almost time for lecture to start. “And the tests are made by the department, so we’re fucked.”

Ino smiled. “So study group? Squad goals?”

Lecture began before Sasuke had a chance to reply. As the quiz was passed out, Ino looked at Sakura slyly and whispered, “Un petit mort!”

“I took  _Spanish_ , Ino.”

“Google it.”

–

The jarring sound of knocking at his apartment door jostled Sasuke to consciousness, and rubbing his hands over his face, he shuffled to the door. He expected to find some sort of maintenance person or even a FedEx delivery sitting at his feet. Midafternoon didn’t lend itself to a lot of possible visitors, especially not social calls.  

Instead, Ino pushed past him and sniffed the air. “Your apartment smells like rice. Also, nice boxers.”

Sasuke glanced down at the salmon colored plaid covering his essentials. The waistband was hidden beneath his rumpled gray shirt.

“How do you know where I live?”

She waved a hand. “Don’t worry about that. Which one is your room?” She didn’t bother for an answer, slipping her shoes off and walking in to the open door, bare feet on carpet.

He crossed his arms. “Ino.”

She fingered some of the stray papers on his desk, sliding a finger over the watch by his bedside. “I promise I’ll leave soon. I just wanted to establish that we’re going to be best friends, and that means me knowing your life inside and out.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that. Deftly, Ino unearthed her phone from the back pocket of her backpack and handed it to him. “Add your number. I have to use the bathroom. Nature calls.”

With that, the door clicked shut behind her, and the light flicked on. A narrow white strip of light shone through the bottom of the door, followed by the sound of peeing. Upon unlocking the passwordless phone, he came across the home screen background—both Ino and Sakura, making sand angels on the beach.

He cleared his throat, finding it challenging to affix his eyes to their faces instead of wandering…lower. Glancing up at the door, he looked back down at the two sets of curves, lingering on the birthmark just over the top of Sakura’s bikini and Ino’s long legs.

The toilet flushed, and he hastened to type his number in and add himself to her contacts. By the time she’d washed her hands and emerged, the phone was locked again. “So explain to me why we’re becoming best friends?”

She patted him on the cheek twice as she walked past him. “Because, silly, I’m a seer. This is just part of the plan.”

She yanked her shoes back on as he stared at her in consternation. “Plan?”

She laughed. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

–

“I know what Sasuke’s penis looks like,” Ino said offhandedly as they stood in line for Chipotle.

Sakura started coughing, presumably on both the gum she was chewing and the disbelief caught in her trachea. A few people glanced backward in line, and Sakura began to flush red. With a sigh Ino patted her on the back, waiting it out.

A few more seconds passed, and then Sakura spat out the chewed up watermelon gum in her palm. She heaved a few breaths and then stared at Ino, waiting.

Ino relented. “Okay, fine, so I don’t  _actually_  know. But I know about what size, and let me just say, I’m fairly certain you’ll be a tight—”

“What can I get for you?”

Ino spun around in line to face the counter. “—hi! I’ll get a…bowl. Cilantro white rice, yes…”

Sakura whimpered in embarrassment. She could feel the eyes of the people behind her. Only Ino would bring up such a topic while surrounded by other judging people. Still in a daze, she ordered her own meal, having enough mind to ask for extra cheese. She would need it today.

Ino had already paid and was sitting down at a two person table, sipping what Sakura knew was ice water with a wedge of lime (because lemon was too basic for Ino.)

Gathering her wallet, her meal, and the empty soda cup, she hurried to the table, depositing her goods, and then fixed Ino with her most demanding look. “Mind your words. When I get back, you’re going to explain everything. In an  _inside voice_.”

She had already begun to walk away to the soda machine when Ino cooed in a decidedly not inside voice. “Yes, mom!”

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. Fanta. She would need orange Fanta to keep her alive.

With a ragged breath and the heat of her last blush still crawling beneath her face, she lowered herself into the chair. She took a long swig of soda and then raised a well-groomed eyebrow. “What did you do?”

Ino scooped a bite of her bowl into her mouth and chewed, tongue flicking out to catch a dangling piece of lettuce. “Well, I went to his apartment because he’s your future husband. I have his number now, so you have his number now. The plan is going according to plan!”

Sakura chewed, twirling her fork between her thumb and her forefinger. “Uh huh. So, what plan? And how does this explain your completely inappropriate dick commentary?”

Ino waved a hand. “Don’t worry about the plan. I have it handled. You just need to focus. Eyes on the prize. Prize being growing old with him.”

“What if I don’t even like him?!”

Ino guffawed. “Oh  _please_. He’s totally your type. Don’t even try to sell me your poorly crafted lies.”

Sakura scowled. “You don’t know me.”

“Sakura, I’ve seen you naked _._ I know you.”

Sakura’s face grew hot again. “That was your fault for walking in on me while I was changing! Knock next time!”

“Details, details. Regardless, he’s a good size. You know, not so big that you’ve got legitimate reasons to be concerned about death by phallus, but not quite average, either. Somewhere in between. A good size.”

Sakura dropped her plastic fork into the bowl and buried her face in her hands. “I don’t even want to know how you know that.”

Ino rolled her clear blue eyes. “He was in his boxers when he opened the door to let me in. I’m not blind, you know. You can kind of see an outline. Plus, it helps that while I was using his bathroom I nosed around in his drawers and found the size of condoms he prefers.” She snatched Sakura’s Fanta from across the table, taking a calm sip.

A long moment passed. Ino unearthed a hidden oasis of corn and began to distribute it amongst the remainder of her bowl.

Finally, Sakura’s hands parted just enough for her to mumble, “You know, if this matchmaking business doesn’t work out for you, you should consider being a private investigator. That’s the professional term for nosy gossipmongers.”

–

Ino made an excuse and left their study room earlier than expected, ignoring the garbled hissing noises erupting from some hell beyond Sakura’s larynx. She only stared at Sakura meaningfully and hoisted her backpack over her shoulder. “Well, I’ll see you in class!” she chirped with a wave, and then the door clicked shut behind her.  

Only Sasuke and Sakura remained, seated in between a mess of macroeconomics at 11 at night.

Sakura cleared her throat. “I…”

He glanced up at her.

“You know who would make a good couple?” She didn’t wait for a response, her mouth running far, far away from her brain. “Craig and Angie. See, there’s Craigslist and there’s Angie’s List and the both have lists and it would be just such a great dynamic.”

Sasuke snorted. “Very relevant.”

“Well, it’s just an observation,” she defended. “We had to take a break from PPF curves at some time. If I never see the phrase economies of scale again, it will be too soon.”

He nodded, running a hand through his already unkempt hair. “Mmm. So Angie and Craig.”

She smiled, emboldened by his tolerance of her babbling. “Yes. Angie and Craig. Their couple name could be Crangie. Like Brangelina, almost.”

“That’s all it takes, huh? A passion for lists, and immediately they are the perfect couple.”

She nodded sagely. “Just think about it. Bonnie and Clyde were both super into crime. Darcy and Elizabeth were both super into witty repartee. Hades and Persephone were both super into…pomegranates.”

“A convincing argument.”

She steeled herself, harkening back to the previous night’s lecture from Ino about growing a tougher set of ovaries. “Sakura and Sasuke were super into hating macroeconomics.”

To her credit, she didn’t blush—but Sasuke did. The back of his neck flushed red, even as a smirk pulled at his lips. “I don’t know that I’d consider myself super into hating macroeconomics. I’m more super into tomatoes.”

Sakura clucked her tongue, teasing smile alighting her lips. “I gotta be honest: tomatoes aren’t my thing. We can’t be together, then, it seems.”

He looked down, eyes crinkling in amusement. “How unfortunate. Whatever will we do?”

She shook her head. “There’s no hope. Unless…do you consider tomatoes food? Because if so, then we can both be super into food. And breathing.”

He huffed a laugh. “Well, well, well. What a coincidence.”

“Fate,” Sakura corrected cheekily, green eyes sparkling. “This is considered fate.”

–

Sasuke woke up at 2:34 in the morning to the whistling of his phone. Someone had been texting him. A lot.

Blearily, he reached for the glowing device resting on the window sill and squinted into the too bright light. Ino.

He groaned, unlocking the phone with heavy fingers.

 **> Sunday** | 2:32 AM

Ino: _Sasuke_  
Ino:  _Sasuke wake up  
_Ino:  _Sasuke I know you can hear this_

 **> Sunday **| 2:33 AM

Ino:  _Stop ignoring me  
_Ino:  _How are you going to ask Sakura out?_

He was slow to type, and autocorrect was incredibly helpful to a brain fogged over with sleep.

Sasuke:  _Go o sleep._

And then, a second later:

Sasuke:  _*to._

The small set of ellipses, indicating typing, burbled in the bottom left corner for a bit.

 **> Sunday **| 2:35 AM

Ino:  _Sleep is for the weak. You need to have a strategy. You need a game plan. A goal. I am the referee, coach, and the opposing team. I can either help you or screw you over. Also, we’re best friends, remember?_

His hands were quick this time around.

Sasuke:  _Unfortunately._

Blissful silence echoed around his room for the next minute, and then his phone whistled happily again. He turned onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow and grumbling. A few seconds passed, and at the beck and call of another whistle, he turned onto his side again, tugging the charging cable out of the bottom of his phone.

His phone was still unlocked, so at the press of the home button, it opened right where he left off.

 **> Sunday **| 2:37 AM

Ino:  _You are clearly way underprepared.  
_Ino:  _I’m coming over._

His eyes, bloodshot, bulged.

Sasuke:  _Now???_

The reply was instantaneous.

Ino:  _I’m walking over now. It’s fucking cold.  
_Ino:  _If you have caffeine, I’d deeply appreciate it rn._

He breathed a swear word under his breath, heaving himself up out of bed and shuffling into the darkened corridor to the kitchen. Even Naruto had gone to bed, as evidence by the all too peaceful snores. Phone in hand, he flicked on the lights and pulled out two mugs, filling them with filtered water and shoving them in the microwave with more aggression than strictly necessary.

There was a light tapping at the door just as he pressed send on the deeply irritable message, just as the microwave beeped. He gently placed the mugs on the counter, dumped a tea bag in each, and then went for the door.

Ino shoved past him almost immediately. “I see you’re wearing pants for once.” She, in turn, was wearing fleece pajama pants and a sweater.

He squinted at her abnormally shiny lips. “Are you wearing makeup?”

She opted to ignore him, grabbing at the cup. “And what the hell do you mean by that message? Totally uncalled for. This is the thanks I get for my wonderful matchmaking skill.”

There, on his phone, shone his final reply.

 **> Sunday **| 2:45 AM

Sasuke:  _I hate you_

She sashayed into his open bedroom door, setting the mug on the nightstand and clambering into his bed, tugging the comforter up around her. Sasuke didn’t have the energy to be surprised, instead following suit and taking up the other half.

“Okay, so you plan, and I’m gonna go to sleep.” She shoved him in anger, and he yawned.

“Focus! Sakura is the woman of your dreams. You can’t fuck this up.”

“Who said I was going to ask her out?” he countered, staring her down between drooping eyelids.

Her eyes narrowed. “I beg to differ.”

“Mmm, goodnight, Ino,” he mumbled into his pillow, burrowing deeper.

“Sasuke.  _Sasuke!_ ”

–

When he awoke hours later, the tea had gone cold, Ino was tucked into his side, and her hand had weaseled its way under his shirt, pressed to his toned stomach. The sun was rising.

She was warm.

He thought back to the phone wallpaper, to the charming upturn of Sakura’s lips, to the soft girl in his bed right then. “Fuck,” he whispered.

Ino blinked awake, chuckle at her still glossy lips, not at all perturbed at the current state of things. “Mmm. You’re a good cuddling partner. Sakura will love that. She can get affectionate.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and rolled out of reach, sitting up on the edge of the bed, distantly aware that it was still far too early. The clock on his nightstand reminded him with calm green lettering that he had another few hours of sleep to capitalize on before macroeconomics. “How long have you known her?”

Ino blew air out noisily between her lips. “Mmm, like…fifteen years? Somewhere around there.”

Skeptical, he glanced at her over his shoulder. The neck of her sweater had dipped low, exposing smooth collar bones. “And there’s nothing wrong about this situation to you?”

She hummed thoughtfully. “I understand where you’re coming from, but…I really  _am_  just trying to help you and her get together. You’d make such a good couple. It’s unreal, honestly.

“You take your tea the same as her, you know. Squirt of honey, wedge of lemon, earl grey. You have a good height difference. You’re almost as nerdy as her,” she motioned to the books scattering the floor. “And you’re a good cuddle buddy.”

He scoffed, brooding frown given to the far wall of his room. “You say as you’re in my bed.”

She sat up, reaching out to touch his shoulder blade. “I’m just…testing the waters.” She ran her hand down the length of his back and then scooted forward, lips brushing the shell of his ear. “Making sure there’s enough…heat.”

He turned a bit, jaw tensing, conflict festering in his eyes. She curled her hand around his waist, pressing her breasts to his arm. He looked at her, her hooded eyes, her parted lips, thoughts drifting to the tinkling of Sakura’s laughter just as Ino pressed her lips to his.

They didn’t part for some time.

Later, when he had wrenched himself out of bed and walked, shirtless, to his bathroom to get ready for his first class, Ino stopped him. “Hey.”

He stopped and glanced back. She had graciously kept her hands above his waist, but she’d lost her sweater somewhere down the line. Even across the length of the room, he could see the shine of saliva on her breasts, pink nipples still peaked. “Hm?”

“You’d better be sticking to the plan to ask her out.”

He blinked. “What plan?”

“I texted it to you. And hey, don’t feel guilty. Think of it as…a vetting process. Sakura’s gonna love the way you use your tongue.”

–

Sasuke and Sakura were among the first to turn in their macroeconomics tests to the front of the room, walking one after another out of the lecture hall, backpacks haphazardly dangling on their shoulders.

“I’m not sure I should have done that,” she said without preamble, tugging at the end of her sleeves nervously.

He raised an eyebrow. “Done what?”

“Turned in my test. I think I could have checked my work more, but I was so  _done_ , and I really wanted to go to the café that just opened up. I’ve seen all these photos, and I frankly care more about that than about this test.”

He held open the door to the building, and she stepped onto the cobblestone. The crisp winter air whipped her hair around, and she tightened the trench coat around her waist, righting her backpack, and shoving her hands into her pockets. The wind persuaded her nose to turn red and she blew air upwards from her mouth to alleviate the cold sensation.

He shrugged. “We probably studied harder than at least two thirds of the class. It’ll work out.”

She pursed her lips. “Well. I guess.” A beat passed. “Do you want to go to that café with me? You can have the coveted honor of picking out the filter for my impending Instagram post.”

He responded in kind, lips twitching in amusement despite himself. “What a dream come true.”

She led them around a bend, and they stopped in front of a tiny blue house off campus which had been converted into a coffee shop. She gasped as they walked in. “They have  _weekday brunch_ ,” she whispered in awe, staring at the chalkboard menu above the counter.

“This is proof of god for you, isn’t it?”

She shoved him playfully. “Don’t be silly. I didn’t need brunch to prove it; that’s what the invention of the cronut was for. But look! I can get a mimosa. It’s 11AM and it’s acceptable for drinking!  _And_ they have eclairs! Miracles are real, Sasuke.”

He rolled his eyes and weaved through the empty tables to a smaller one by the window. She dumped her backpack on the ground and shrugged off her coat onto the back of the unvarnished chair. She dug her phone out of the coat pocket along with a small wallet, and then together they walked to the counter.

It was easy to forget their height difference when they were separated by study tables and lecture hall chairs, but standing next to her while she tapped a manicured fingernail to her lip made the gap palpable. She barely came up to the bottom of his chin.

Naruto would have called it the golden ratio—just small enough to tuck neatly beneath the chin. Small enough that lifting her up to align their hips wouldn’t be too bad of a physical toll.

Ino was taller, his brain whispered, but it wasn’t so bad with her. He shut his eyes, exhaling, draining the memory from his mind.

“You okay?” she prodded.

He shook his head, dismissing the thought and redirecting his words to the plan burning in the pocket of his jeans, in the memory of his phone. “Yeah. I’m just…gathering courage.”

She raised an eyebrow but before she could ask, she was called to the counter by the willowy café employee who took Sakura’s order and exchanged it for a number. Minutes later, they were reseated at the table, a cup of hot chocolate in between.

“So. Courage?”

He crossed his arms, elbows coming to rest on the table. “Well, as we previously established, you’re into food and I’m into food, but we’re at a food place already, so it seems redundant for me to ask you if you’re be interested in getting food.”

She tapped her lips again. “That’s quite the pickle. Tell me, have you considered at all that people eat three meals per day?” She raised the cup to her lips, taking a sip. Her green eyes twinkled over the white glass edge, steam curling around her face.

“Fascinating observation,” he remarked, thick with sarcasm. “That changes everything then!”

She nodded in earnest, cheeks pink. “Oh, I know. So, definitely not redundant to ask. I’m interested in going, but only if you’re okay with us indulging in another one of our shared interests—breathing.”

He snorted.

–

Things changed remarkably little in spite of the monumental landmark of her life—her first college date.

 **> Tuesday **| 5:33 PM

Sasuke:  _Is there anything you’re allergic to?_

Sakura got a little flustered upon seeing his name light up her phone, but her reply was quick, confident.

Sakura:  _People who walk slowly on narrow sidewalks. Also, shellfish.  
_Sakura:  _This feels like a security question for a password. You trying to hack into my things?_

Seeing that a message had been read was a small gratification unto itself.

       Sasuke:  _Ah, yeah, just stealing your identity. Don’t worry about it_.

“Sexting lover boy?” Ino crooned from across the room, gaze still firmly attached to the textbook splayed in front of her.

Sakura scowled. “We haven’t even gone on the date yet. That’s a premature line of questioning, don’t you think?”

Ino shrugged, lips parted for a second in reply before they snapped shut. “It depends,” she settled on after a moment’s consideration, “on whether you’re me or you.”

Sakura put her phone down on the desk, twirling around in her desk chair to face where Ino was laying on Sakura’s bed, feet waving in the air. “Ino, I haven’t kissed a boy in like…several years. I don’t even know if I remember how to do it anymore. I feel like a fourteen year old.”

Ino stared at Sakura for a long moment and then shut the textbook before tossing it onto the carpeted floor with a dull thwack. She rolled to the side and patted the empty space next to her on the twin bed. With a heavy sigh, Sakura moved from the seat to the bed, curling up on her side and staring at Ino dejectedly.

“You’re hardly fourteen, Sakura,” Ino chided, knocking her knuckles against Sakura’s forehead. “You’ve got half a degree and a man thirsting after you. All you had when you were fourteen was that hair bow.”

Sakura huffed in protest. “I had more than a hair bow, thank you.”

Ino shifted, resettling her head next to Sakura’s on the pillow. “Barely.” She pursed her lips. “That’s beside the point, anyhow. You are more than good enough for Sasuke. I promise.”

Sakura’s wide, bottle green eyes bore into Ino, and before Ino could catch herself, she was shifting again to press her lips to Sakura’s, a soft kiss on a softer mouth. Ino’s hand came up to brush Sakura’s hair aside, and Sakura kissed back for a split second—before pulling away. “Ino!”

Ino laughed. “You’re wearing that lip balm I got you! Pomegranate. Good choice. It seems like a Sasuke kind of fruit. And, by the way, you kiss just fine.”

Sakura spluttered, cheeks hot. “You can’t just…”

Ino dragged her finger across the edge of Sakura’s jaw, along her lips. “Hey, it’s okay. Just, think of it as…practice. You have a good balance of lips and saliva. I’m an expert kisser, so you can trust me.”

Sakura’s gaze flickered from the wall to Ino’s lips. “I suppose…it can’t hurt, right?” she asked, but she was already leaning forward, lips parted. Ino met her halfway, curling the hand around the back of Sakura’s neck, fingers tickling the baby hairs at the nape.

Having been kissed into submission once that week already, Ino was eager to dominate, and as soon as Sakura’s tongue slipped out, Ino pushed her onto her back, sliding on top of her. “You know,” Ino mentioned as Sakura dragged her lips down the side of Ino’s neck, raising goosebumps, “everyone kisses differently, but you’ve got one of the best kisses I’ve experienced.”

Sakura pulled away, then, lips parting with a giggle. “Well, thank you.”

Ino pushed Sakura’s hair back from her forehead with careful fingers, and smiled softly. “Sasuke’s going to love you, I promise. Maybe brush your teeth, though. You taste like stir fry.”  

–

The date began with a panicked text.

 **> Friday **| 6:04 PM

Sasuke:  _Fuck I just woke up_  
Sasuke:  _I was taking a nap  
_Sasuke:  _If you want, you can come by and wait for me to get ready_

Sakura tapped her response quickly, cheeky grin in place.

Sakura:  _What a role reversal! All I need now is to pace awkwardly in the entryway and talk to your parents.  
_Sakura:  _I’ll be at your place in a bit. You live on 32 nd, right?_

Her prophecy came half true. After letting Sakura in, Sasuke retreated into his room while Sakura sat herself on a stool, legs crossed at the ankle. Naruto, Sasuke’s roommate, emerged from his room, grinning.

“Now you bring him back by midnight, you hear? He’s a sensitive lad,” he drawled.

Sakura raised her eyebrows. “Oh, I’m sure. I hear he can barely get through Disney movies without crying. Absolutely bawls over Finding Nemo, I bet.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Sasuke called from beyond two doors, and both Sakura and Naruto burst into laughter. Seconds later, he emerged, looking decidedly miffed and looking far less rumpled than before. Sakura slid off the stool, the folds of her green dress coming into place. Her dangly gold earrings glinted under the kitchen lights, and she waved from the door at Naruto, even as Sasuke was pushing her out into the winter chill.

She slid her arms into the soft material of her trench coat as they took an awkward pause outside the door. “So.”

He raised an eyebrow. “So.”

“How do you feel about Finding Nemo, really?”

He rolled his eyes. She laughed, throwing her head back, and he discovered that she had the shallowest dimples in her cheeks. He threaded his fingers with hers and tugged her across the street. “Funny you should mention that because we’re actually going to an aquarium.”

Sakura’s lips parted in disbelief, followed immediately after by cackling and a smug look. “I’m a seer. You should pay me for my services.”

He smirked. “What kind of services do you offer?”

She shoved him off the sidewalk.

–

One aquarium, a meal, and a few cocktails later, Sakura had embraced the best balls she had—ovaries—and invited Sasuke up to her apartment, flushed from the alcohol. “If you were a fish, what fish would you be?” she asked as they walked up the stairs. His hand was warm on her back. She was warm everywhere.

“I wouldn’t be a fish.”

“I think you’d be a blowfish. So spiky on the outside, but only because you’re too scared to moisturize.”

He squinted. “What?”

“Your skin! So dry,” she mentioned, dragging her hand up his forearm until her fingers connected with the folded sleeve of his button down. “Very spiky. But underneath you’re just a guppy. I, on the other hand, am an electric eel. Very cool. Very chic.”

She fumbled for the keys, fingers clumsy. He gently pried them from her hand, front pressed to her back as he slid the key in the slot, turning the lock open. The tiny foyer was dark, and the door closed behind them quickly, drenching them in blackness. Muscle memory guided her hands to the light switch, and when the yellow bulbs flickered on, Sasuke was close—too close.

He tossed the keys on the counter and then turned to face her. She licked her lips and looked away, tugging her heels off of her feet with an errant hand and tossing them by the rack near the door. “You can take off your shoes,” she managed, throat dry. “Do you want something to…drink?” The words tumbled out of her mouth, and she made to push past him to the front of the fridge but he caught her elbow, dragging her back to him until she was flush against his front. Her face turned redder still—this time from the intensity of his gaze rather than the light buzz. “I have…water and apple juice…and tea? You like tea, right? Ino told me you like tea.”

He paused at that. “What else did Ino tell you?”

She blinked. “Umm. Nothing? Should she have told me something? I mean, she told me that you needed her for advice on…” she reddened again, “…this.”

He stepped closer, backing her against the side of the fridge. Magnets fell at her feet with a muffled clatter, and she shivered. He leaned closer and soon his hair was tickling her forehead. It was soft. “I’m going to kiss you,” he notified her.

She breathed. “I gathered.”

And so he did. She made it a point to catalogue the little things: the smoothness of his skin (did he exfoliate?) and the fact that his mouth tasted like mints (when had he eaten them?). He kissed her softly, and she tottered forward, leaning into him further as she opened her mouth, gently tugging at his bottom lip with her teeth.

Her breasts pressed against his chest, and she moaned softly. He was sturdy, warm. His shoulders felt strong under her exploratory hands; they had managed to unfasten the top couple of buttons and slide her hands inside. He wasted no time after that, shoving her back against the fridge and using it as leverage to lift her.

Their mouths parted and she panted, “We should…go to my room. It’s the one on the right. Ino’s out on a Tinder date with some guy, but she’ll probably come home just in time for him to tell her via text she’s a bitch for not putting out.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, and she kissed the line of his jaw, the landscape of his cheekbone. “Bedroom,” she crooned into his ear, and loosened her legs around his waist just enough to slip down and grind her hips into his.

He groaned and then stumbled down the hall, pushing her door open and dumping her on the bed. His shirt was off seconds after that, and she peeled her dress over her head, revealing her bra-free breasts and a pair of red lace panties.

“Fuck, Sakura,” he breathed, and crawled up the length of the bed, eyes flickering back and forth from her nipples to her lips to her legs.

“Sasuke, if you don’t do something in the next ten seconds besides stare at me, I’m going to have to take care of this myself,” she said, slipping her fingers past the edge of her panties to stroke. He tugged her hand free, fingers coming away slick and sucked on them, his other hand coming up to cup her chest.

Her fingers came free from his mouth as he kissed his way from her neck, her clavicle, to her left breast, the hardened nipple, her belly, and finally to her panties. So focused was he on them, on memorizing the moment he would have Sakura naked, that he didn’t hear the front door open and close, didn’t hear the click of heels, didn’t realized he’d never shut Sakura’s door.

Didn’t notice, in fact, until Ino was leaning against the door jamb, lipstick smeared as if she’d been properly kissed, arms crossed. Her dress was black and slinky, a plunging neckline exposing her cleavage.

“Well, well, well. Looks like someone found use in my lessons.”

Sasuke froze, lips parting from Sakura’s inner thigh, and Sakura moaned at the loss of touch, hands squeezing at her own breasts. “Ino, please,” she managed, and Sasuke’s gaze widened, flitting back and forth between the two, at the lack of awkwardness. “Just let him finish—let  _me_  finish. You did your part.”

He stared at Sakura, slack-jawed. “You knew?”

Sakura waved a hand. “Of course. Best friends tell each other everything. Ino told me how good you were. She even let me practice on her. It’s okay,” she said soothingly, sitting up to rub a hand down the length of his neck, his abs, finally rubbing her hand against the hardness between his legs. “It’s okay.”

“Don’t be greedy, Sakura,” Ino scowled, and when Sasuke looked back at her, her dress was on the floor, panties and bra nowhere to be found.

“Motherfucker,” he gasped when Sakura grabbed his hand and shoved it into panties.

She clambered on the bed behind him, pressing herself against him as her hands came down to undo his belt buckle, pushing his pants down his hips.

Sakura looked vaguely annoyed. “He’s  _my_ date,” she retorted, pressing her lips to his, coaxing a deep kiss, her tongue slipping out to trail the roof of his mouth at the same time his fingers slid deep inside her, and she whimpered.

She was ripped away when Ino grabbed her jaw. “I  _made_  him. And you’re  _my_ best friend. What happened to sharing?”

Sakura frowned. “Fine.  _Fine_. As long as Sasuke is okay with it, and as long as I get to fuck him first, it’s fine.” She fixed him with a hard look, tugging her hand out of her dislodged underwear and licking up the mess on his fingers. “Is that okay with you?”

But Ino had curled her hand around the back of his neck, yanking at the fine hairs there, kissing him deeply.

Sakura wiggled out from between them, pulling his pants all the way down his legs. He lifted his hips enough so she could do so, and then she scrambled out of her own underwear. She yanked open the bedside drawer, finding the box size that Ino had instructed she buy, and pulled out one pink, ribbed condom. Ripping open the top edge, she pulled out the small circle of latex, and slid in between where Ino and Sasuke.

Moving Ino’s arm, she leaned down and placed a delicate kiss on the throbbing heat that rose up between them, and he jerked, parting from Ino to look down at her. With a giggle, she rolled the condom down over his cock, her lips and tongue following the pink procession.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and once it was firmly on him, she moved around on the bed, finally settling onto her elbows and knees before him. “Sasuke,” Sakura called. His eyes cracked open, and Ino sat back on her haunches, waiting. “Three’s a crowd.”

He slid into her with a hard thrust just as Ino pressed her lips to Sakura’s cheek, smudged red lips mouthing words near the corner of Sakura’s parted, swollen lips. “You’re welcome.”

**Author's Note:**

> why yes I HAVE bought myself at tract of land in hell, why do you ask?  
> bless me ao3 for I have sinned 
> 
> written for les' 2016 birthday


End file.
